Strike Three And You're Out

 Her mother got her out in the car and they took off down the road. The girl asked her where were they going.  I'm taking you to an unwed mother's home she said.

The girl didn't really know what that meant. So, my mom doesn't want me because I'm pregnant so she's going to give me to someone else to live with, she wondered.

Once inside they went into an office where they spoke with a lady at a desk. They wanted her to live there but she had to give her baby away.

The girl said that she would live there but she was not giving her baby away.

She was very nervous about living there not knowing anyone but they weren't going to take her baby.  

They left and she fully expected that she would be moving in there soon. She felt very rejected and unwanted. The day never came that she was taken back. She didn't realize it until much later. The whole purpose of homes for unwed mothers was to take the baby as soon as it was born.

So, within the 1st month or so of pregnancy there were 2 attempts to kill the baby and one attempt to give the baby away.

Little did she know that plan 4 was brewing. 

I'm Not Getting Out of This Car

 The mother of the kids that she babysat for showed up and asked her if she would like to just hang out and ride around for awhile. 

"Okay," said the shy teenager.

She had wanted to be just like Vicky when she grew up. She was really pretty.

After a few minutes she pulled the car into a parking lot and turned off the ignition.  

"Where are we?,"the girl asked.

"An abortion clinic."

"Oh, are you getting an abortion?", the girl asked.

"No. You are.," she responded. 

The teenager turned her whole body straight forward and looked at the windshield. 

"I'm not getting out of this car."

And, she didn't. 

Yes, I Am

" Hmmm," said the dr as he rolled his chair away from the examining table.  "Your pregnancy test says your not pregnant but your womb is hardened like you are. But...you are not pregnant so..

"Yes, I am", she said.

The pregnancy test came back negative. 

"I'm pregnant", she said.

Out in the parking lot she slid into the car where he said, "well, what did they say?"  

"I'm pregnant", she answered. 

*******************************************

Later that night she was told to move all of the boxes on the left side of the basement  to the right side of the basement.  She knew why. It hit her like a hammer to her heart.

*******************************************

That night as she lay in her bed in the basement, surrounded by brick walls and a KeroSun heater to her left at her feet for warmth,  she lay her hand on her belly and planned for the future.

She knew in her heart that the baby was going to be a girl.  

"You're going to be my best friend, " she whispered in the darkness, "and I am going to be YOUR best friend. We are going to love each other."

"It doesn't seem right that I am going to have to give you a name.  What if I pick something that you don't like?"

"I babysit for two little girls, Karla and Andrea. They are both really pretty babies. Andrea is the youngest and she's really easy to take care of.  I could name you that and you could pronounce it really fancy like AUNDREA. Or you could go by Ann.  Or, if you are tomboyish like me, you could go by Andy.  You have quite a few options so that you can almost pick your own name." 

She kept her hand on her belly as she drifted off to sleep.

"I love you Andrea. I can't wait until I can see you. "

The Step Dad

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The Brother-in-law

 A knocking on the door. It was the brother-in-law looking for our new step dad. 

"Where's my brother? Where's your mom?", he asked. 

"They went out to eat." They did this often.

"Have you three eaten?", he asked.

"No", they said.

The brother-in-law was very upset.

He fed us. He became our hero that day.

The Cafeteria

 She took her 3 kids up to the World Trade Center where her new mother-in-law ran the cafeteria.  She set them all at a table and whispered to them that they may be able to eat for free. The mother-in-law came over and sat down and made small talk.  The 15 year old studied her face. She's not happy we're here. She isn't going to feed us.

The mother-in-law jumped up to tend to her job and the mother said, let's wait a little longer. 

They sat for an hour or so in the hopes that the mother-in-law would let them eat, all the while smelling the food all around them and seeing the customers pull their loaded up plates towards them to dig in. 

The 15 year old wanted to just cry. But, she didn't. She kept her emotions in check as they left the cafeteria still hungry. Very hungry.

They're here!!

" They're here! They're here!", she heard her mom excitedly squeal. She ran into the living room to see her mom clapping her hands together looking out the window.

"Who's here?", she asked?  

"Your brother and sister", she beamed happily. 

The girl felt her jaw drop and her heart sank. Why would she bring her two younger siblings to this hell hole? If they wouldn't, or couldn't, feed her then how would they feed her siblings? Why would she want them to come here? 

Later when she was older she wonders why she didn't tell her dad, please don't leave them here. Please don't.  But she didn't. As usual, she kept her mouth shut. Why? Why didn't she speak up.. 

Empty Places

 She sat on the bench in the withering heat of  a hot summer day.  In front of her was a wooden cross marking the spot where her son lay.

Perspiration dotted her forehead and her lower lip started to tremble.  The pictures flashed before her eyes.  The words. The pain. The little video clips rolling in her minds eye.

She knelt on the living room floor and put on his little pants and then his shirt and she looked down lovingly at him with a soft smile.  Her daughter sat to her left, very closely snuggled up to her, and she looked down too.  "Mommy, I miss my baby brother" she said as tears rolled down her little face.  "Me too" she said softly while looking at the baby clothes laying on the floor.  Clothes neatly arranged, but no baby.  She gathered the clothes up in her arms and rocked them for awhile.

Clothes but no baby and a grave with no body.

Empty places in her heart.